Valued living and it's role in your mental health

The topic of values can in many ways be difficult to define. In this post, I’ll share some tips for valued living using common therapeutic principles, along with examples of helpful resources that can support your journey.

What are values?

Before we explore our values it is useful to consider how we define that term. Values can be challenging to identify and describe, even though we all have them. In understanding values, it can be useful to differentiate our values from our goals. In short, Values are the principles by which we want to live our lives. There is no end date on our values; although they may change over time, values are not things that we can "accomplish" or "finish." In contrast, goals are things we wish to achieve, or aspects of our lives that we can take concrete steps to accomplish or "check off." For instance, I may have a goal of being more vocal about my views/needs in my interactions with friends or family members, and the values that drive that goal for me may be values of self-respect or honesty in my relationships. There are likely days when I feel that I am doing well with acting on these values, and there will likely be days when I feel that I have not met those aspirations. Wherever you are starting from is okay. None of us are perfect in taking these steps, but each day can be treated as a new opportunity to consider our values and be grounded in the choices we make.

Tips to Start Living Your Values Today

1. Clarify what matters most to you

Take time to think about what you most want to focus on in your life. What qualities do you want to embody? What kind of relationships do you want to build? What things do you really connect with?

Try writing down your values in simple words. For example, you might value kindness, creativity, or courage. Don’t worry about being perfect—this is about what feels true to you.

If you are feeling stuck, or just want to explore this more, consider sites like https://www.viacharacter.org/ to explore your personal strengths. Sites like these can help to generate personalized ideas for you (additional resources are listed below).

2. Notice when you drift

We all drift at times. It's human nature to be imperfect. Building and living a life that feels meaningful and true to yourself can be a real challenge. It can feel like there is an endless list of demands in life between self-care, work, relationships, parenting, and various other domains and roles we are all juggling. When we struggle, it is easy to fall into self-criticism or self-doubt, further compounding some of these difficulties. But this isn't about beating yourself up. It's about noticing the drift, and considering ways of getting back on track.

Consider what values or areas of your life may have been lost or overlooked recently. Noticing is the first step toward changing something.

3. Take small, meaningful actions

Living your values doesn’t mean making huge changes all at once. We build progress brick-by-brick. If connection with your spouse/partner or children is a value of yours, perhaps you can find new ways to be more present or communicative with them (or cycle back to old useful behaviors that have fallen by the wayside). If you value health, you might consider small ways you can be more active.

These small actions build momentum and remind you that you have control over your choices, even when life feels hard. It sounds simple, but it can be a real challenge.

4. Anticipate discomfort

Making changes in your day to day actions can be very uncomfortable. All sorts of uncomfortable thoughts or emotions can flare up during times of change, and it is up to us to consider -- does this discomfort require me to reconsider my path? Or are these steps worth taking, despite the discomfort that is showing up? Valued living doesn’t mean you won’t feel pain, fear, or other emotions. Our job is to consider, in each moment, how we want to proceed and what is most important in driving our actions.

5. Stay present

Mindfulness helps you stay connected to the here and now. It can reduce the power of unhelpful thoughts and help you focus on what you can do in the moment.

Simple mindfulness exercises, like focusing on your breath or noticing sounds around you, can be powerful tools. Consider reading my prior post about starting new mindfulness practice.

Helpful Resources to Support Your Personal Growth

Sometimes, having the right tools can make a big difference. I want to share some relevant resources for those exploring these topics.

Professional therapy services

Through Mindful Balance Emotional Health, Dr. Ryan Walsh (that's me!) offers evidence-based therapy focused on helping adults overcome anxiety, depression, trauma, and stress. My approach includes therapy tailored to your unique needs across a variety of domains, including work on clarifying your understanding of your values, and building value-driven steps into your life.

You can learn more about my services here.

Other relevant websites or apps

The Your Values app gives you the opportunity to select your strongest values, narrow them to the ones that are most important to you, and consider steps you can take to support your ongoing growth. The app is available for iPhone devices. For Google/Android users, consider this alternative Values Card Sort app.

Sites like the VIA Institute on Character or the Values App can be useful tools for further self-exploration around your strengths and values.

Disclosure: I have no investment in or relationship with these websites or apps. I share them here for informational purposes.

Final thoughts on living a value-driven life

Valued living allows us all to combine our direction in life with consideration of the things that are truly meaningful for us. Although it may sound simple, it is easy to feel challenged and discouraged in taking these steps.

None of us are perfect. We can only do our best each day, and there are days when even that may seem hard. Consider taking the time to really identify and determine what is most important to you, if there are steps you may wish to take to get started, and how you can best support yourself in building the life you want. Professional help is available through Mindful Balance Emotional Health and other practitioners virtually and in your community.

Be kind to yourself, and consider just one step you can take.

This post is for informational purposes only and does not replace professional medical advice. If you are struggling with mental health issues, please seek help from a qualified therapist or healthcare provider.